Secret Memory
by Tessitra
Summary: What can cure a friendship that's almost lost? Lily made a terrible mistake and now have to make an apology. However that is not always the easiest thing to do, when you know it was all your fault... "You never know when you need a friend the most. But then realize that youalready lost one" ...Short summary Read and review instead:)


**(AU;/;N) HEY! You wanna know something! I found this story I wrote a long time ago, I have it posted on deviantart xD I I noticed it was actually my " first " HP fanfic. Only a one shot, and it was about Lily and Severus when they went to Hogwarts. In this fanfic Severus never said mudblood to Lily. And Lily was James girlfriend in the early beginning. It's just a short fanfic, I corrected some errors and added some parts, cause the other ones didn't make sense at all -.- So hope you enjoy it! This is a T rating fanfic^^  
REVIEW/FAVE/FOLLOW**

**Of course I'm J.K Rowling, I also have real bunny ears and sing Britney Spears songs all day long with my pet monkey Wilmer.**

Lily heard the booming voices in her thoughts echoing. Tears ran uncontrollably down her cheeks. She saw herself in the bathroom mirror, watching herself with a lump in her throat. Feeling the lump turn into anger and disappointment.

She hit her hand against the mirror and leaned her forehead on it feeling her tears falling down the drain.

'_How come I just stood there and watched it go on? Why I didn't say anything!_ 'Her aggravated thoughts became more vivid.

Tears ran more from her eyes until she had no more. Lily stopped crying when she heard something move behind her like a gust of wind. Turning slowly to a catch a sight of a ghost staring down at her.

Lily wiped her puffy red eyes and gazed down the floor in hopelessness.

She was just about to walk out from the toilets, when the ghost sudden just asked her a question. 

"Why are you bawling in here? You disturb me!" the ghost spit haughtily

Lily tilted her head, her bangs falling down before here eyes, in that way she only saw the ghost in a glimpse.

-Sorry. I did not mean to disturb you, I leave the lavatory's now.

The ghost looked at Lily and immediately felt a slight guilty from the words she had uttered.

"Wait! So what's the reason you're crying over?" asking in a motion of disinterest.

Lily turned around and observed ghost, who was now now floating down towards Lily. Floating down to the same angle as Lily's head.

Lily was frozen on her place. She could almost felt the tears come back again, but she blinked twice and the tears disappeared. "It was stupid really. The reasons why I'm here crying my eyes off is because something I neglected to stop. Because I was too afraid to face the consequences."

The ghost rose an eyebrow as confusion was written all over her face."Could you be more specific? " retorted the ghost.

Lily glanced at the ghost, the ghost now approaching her further. "It's about a friend ...avery dear friend. I could had stopped them from hurting him, but I just stood there and watched, like I was paralysed. I think I even giggled a little" Lily sniffed at her own memories, how cruel she had been.

Rubbing her puffy eyes tiredly. The ghost looked at Lily with curious eyes.

"Him? B-but... how come you just stood there and watched?"

The lump in her throat had transformed to a knot in her chest when she heard the ghost ask her that question.

"Well the guy who hurt him, who said all those mean words to my close friend...he's-"

Lily had to stop talking before she started crying again. Swallowing in desperation.

"-That guy is my boyfriend..."

The ghost gaped down at Lily with big eyes, a disgust on her face.

"You need to do things better" she replied with as much calm voice. Lily stared into the eyes of the ghost. The ghost floated over to one of the toilet cubicles and then looked back to Lily, with mournful eyes.

"There are things that hurt one's soul more than violence. That pain is words, words that feel meaningless at some time, but can hurt you and rip your heart in bigger pieces. So you have to say a heartfelt sorry if you really care for your friend otherwise...o-otherwise..-" The ghost gave a deep sad sigh.

"-Otherwise, there may not be time for an apology."

She pointed towards the booth and got a single tear in her eye.

"In this cubicle-" pausing she stared at the cubicle"-I died" 

Lily felt sad shiver run through her body, the shock from what the ghost told her.

"May I ask what happened?"

The ghost who now floated back to where Lily stood. She gave her a friendly smile.

"It's quite sad really, though also fascinating." Pausing she took a deep in breath of air to retell the story. "It all began with an early Monday morning. I had an argue with my only friend in the whole school that day. I think we argued about the wizard cards. Very ridiculous really when I think about it, anyway. There was a very special card that we both wanted, because there was only 3 copies in the whole wizarding world. Nowadays, there are hundreds off them.

But when we both saw the card lying in one chocolate boxes that I bought. We gasped out of luck-"

The ghost stopped talking and giggled a little, of the whole delirious situation.

"-I would never had thought that we'd would have such luck. As it was I who bought the chocolate box it was rightfully mine, so I leaned against the card to take it, but Cassidy my friend stopped me, asking me what I was doing! Hissing back I replied that it was I who had bought it, so it's my card.

However, Cassidy did not go without a fight over the card so she answered. You have so many cards already, so I can take it. Hah! Yeah that was not going to happen I thought"

The ghost cleared her throat in her hand and continued on with her story.

"I would not allow it because I was a big collector in cards, so I told her calmly. Those other cards are worthless compared to this one. So I took the card and thought I had won but Cassidy also took hold of the card.

No it is mine she hissed at me. I felt throughout my body my anger was building up so I pulled the card against me. Then I noticed that she also drew the card against her way.

That's when I decided to pull the card as hard as I could and suddenly-" stopping the ghost motioned with her hand as two papers being ripped apart "-The card became torn into two pieces.

It felt like my heart stopped beating, both looking desperately down on those two pieces.

Cassidy started screaming at me. 'How could you?! Look how the card looks like now'.

My fault?! I snared back, it was your fault. That's when Cassidy said something to me I'll never learn to forget.

Oh shut up 'moaning' Myrtel I do not know why I am friends with you! Just because my dad works for your dad. He orders me that I have to be friends with you. Which I hate, you're ugly, stinks garbage, dress badly and you are sooooo boring to be with. Besides all you do is collecting cards and cry all the time! Gosh you're annoying! I was in such a peril shock, my heart broke of those words. To hear those words from a person who you thought being your only friend on school was horrible! So I did the only thing I knew about. I run out from the room as fast as I could-"

The ghost stopped talking and floated towards a sink that was paired with three other zink's, shaped like a form of a circle.

Lily stared at the ghost in sadness and in clueless." B-but you still haven't told me about how you died?"

"I'll get to that!" The ghost snapped haughty. Lily became silent and put her hands in her pockets.

"When I run out from the room. I ran over here, to the girls' lavatory's"

The ghost giggled in an ironic way.

"I was already bullied by the other students so this place was kinda like my sanctum. I used to hide myself here afterwards. So when Cassidy said those words to me, I could only think about the place I felt really safe, here, girl's lavatory. Though it was not that safe at that point" she giggled."-I hid in my usual cubicle. My tears began to fall like waterfalls, I think I cried for hours. Until I heard noises outside my cubicle and stopped crying and tried to listen to the voice. I heard that it was a boy who talked strangely, like he was talking to someone in a different language. I knew boys were not allowed to be inside the girls' toilets. So I decided to open the door to the booth and I shouted.  
"GO AWAY". And then "BAM" the ghost clapped her hand together loud.

Lily jumped startled by her sudden clap.

"What happened?"Lily asked being so in to the story.

The ghost snorted "I died."

Silence parted in the room, all Lily could do was staring at the ghost a shiver down her spine, still she was more curious.

"How did you die exactly? Do you remember what died from?"

"The only thing I remember was that I saw two yellow eyes looking at me...right over there." She pointed at the snake like sink behind Lily.

Lily got a horrible shiver down her spine, she didn't even dare to turn around, this was to much creepiness for one day. Starting to shake in her whole body she manage to say, or should I say stutter.

"I t-think... I have to go n-now though, t-tha-ank you for te-elling mee" Lily announced still shaken in her voice.

The ghost just rolled her eyes bored and turned around. Then Lily remembered one thing she forgotten to ask.

"Wait! I meant to ask. What is your name?"

The ghost turned around to face her one last time, giving a nonchalantly smile.

"Myrtel, however when I was alive, I was called for moaning Myrtel. It rings a bell, so I call myself that now. And don't forget to talk to your friend. You never know when you need one the most, but realize that you already lost one." With those words said. Myrtel vanished down her favourite toilet.

Lily stared down at the floor and knew what she need to do. Walking out the girls toilets she fixed her clothes so they weren't wrinkled. Glancing down her watch she saw it was half past four.

Then an image of her friend appeared in her thoughts. '_He is always outside at the school bridge at this hour, maybe If I hurry I still have time to catch him'_ she though hopefully, she really need to fix this friendship.

With rapid steps she went down the moving stairs She passed a lot of magical paintings that politely greeted her. Although she didn't have time with them, she just wanted to rush down the stairs and meet her friend before their friendship was to late to make right.

-

When she finally got to the bottom of the stairs she went outside walking up to their favourite spot, the Hogwarts bridge.

When she finally arrived she immediately stopped. Her heart thumping hard in her aching chest.

There, she saw her friend. A friend who was always there for her when she needed it. She even saved the flower. The flower she got from him the first time they meet, she promised she would keep it forever. It was the day she found out that she was a witch. And her friend gave her that flower to make her feel better, and that everything would be okay, and she trusted him from that moment on.

With heavy steps, she approached her friend, he was crouching his head down his knees.

The pain she felt in her chest before was building up again. She swallowed nervously and was now right beside his left side.

She sat down on the step beside him and waited a time before she started talking, but only as a soft whisper.

"Hello Severus"

Severus as his name was. Gazed up in her direction. His black wide shoulder-length hair covered almost his entire face. He didn't reply her, he only stared at her with dullness then turned away again.

Lily knew she earned that look. He felt sad and disappointed at her, for acting like she did today.

"I understand if you don't want to talk to me, but you don't need to. Just try to listen instead, about what I have to say..-" saying with shaken sorrow voice. She gave a big sigh, the pain still remaining in her aching body.

"What happened today... is unforgivable I know that. I'll never know why I did it, I mean..."she gave another sad sigh "- I was not thinking straight. I just stood there and watched. Seeing how James behaved towards you, and when he said those mean words against you. I should had done something. It wasn't like I was afraid of what he would think of me, more the impression from that he is my boyfriend, and I wanted to prove that he was right, though I knew and felt in my heart that what he did was wrong!  
And I did nothing to stop him from saying those thing. They're not true Severus what ever the call you don't believe it. I can't believe I just stood there...-" Lily was beating herself down with her own words, it didn't stop her from talking though."-I know this is no good apology for what he did. He should be the one apologizing, but I don't think he'll ever will.  
He can really be an idiot sometimes, but sometimes very different.

Compassionate, kind and sympathetic. Why James behaves like this, against other people, especially to you, I don't know the reasons why, though ever since I told him that you and I have known each other since we were little, he responded strange and acted like a fool against you. Almost like he didn't like you for having me first. I get the feeling that his jealous of you, because he knows that he and I will never get that same connection that you and I share.

Him and I share another special connection, but not as strong as our friendship."

Lily looked at Severus. He stared at her from his wide black hair, looking at her intently.

"Without you, it feels like the air surrounding me runs out in a second, that every breath is harder to take every day. Like I lost a very important detail into my life and soul.  
Although,when I'm with you! It feels like nothing can stop me, I'm like an unstoppable phoenix rising from the ashes with new steps on life.

To have you in my life, is the most precious and rarest thing I know.

I want you to know that, whatever happened today was more than a mistake, it was a stupid, idiotic catastrophe. That I will never be able to forgive myself for. From now on I'll always be there for you, whatever happens, I'm there" Lily paused cracking her knuckles in a nervous motion then stopped to stare at Severus. "However that depends if you are willing to take me back as your friend."

Lily kept silent for a moment, waiting, but waiting for what she didn't know. She could almost feel the tears building up in her eyes when she saw that Severus was completely unmoved.

Taking a deep breath. She rose up from the step. But she was stopped by a cold wet hand. Severus had reached out with his hand to stop her from leaving. His dark eyes were tearfully and glistened out of grief. Severus forced a sad smile up to her.

"Actually he's more off a big prat than an idiot"

Lily felt her knot broke apart from her chest in relief. Leaping onto Severus hard she hugged him tightly and felt the tears running down her cheeks. He hugged her back.

"Forgive me, Severus, I've been so stupid!" She leaned back to get a clearer view off his face.

The warmth of his soft smile made her feel better, smiling back widely. He pushed back a strand of hair away from her beautiful face.

"Well it was a bit unusual and silly, but what kinda friend would I be if I wouldn't be able to forgive you." he answered with a lopsided smirk.

Lily's bright brown eyes glistened as she smiled out of warmth. She sat back beside him on the step and stared in wonder at Severus. In the way 'like they will be friend forever'.

Averting her gaze from Severus she stared out towards the open landscape, breathing in the soft air surrounding them.

"It's so beautiful here Severus. I could sit here forever and just enjoy this scenery."

Severus looked at her beautiful enlighten face, her female structure on her face was like a dream. He turned to gaze upon the nature as well.

"Then we will sit here forever" he teased. Lily gave rich laugh and nudge him on his ribs.

"There's no one else I would want to share this moment with than with you" she answered sweetly and brought her hand to his, but the warm feeling from her hand disappeared just as he became comfortable with her hand in his.

Severus felt his cheeks turning red, he glanced at her again

'_She is so beautiful! If only she knew how I really felt' _He felt his chest tighten as he let his eyes wander upon her bright red lips, eyes like an magnificence eagle, her beautiful long hair the colour of mahogany.

An idea came to mind. Severus began searching for his wand in his robe. He found his wand and started moving the wand with graceful movements up the sky.

Lily looked curious and entranced by the movements he was making.

Then she saw something in the sky. Something light and white twinkling down, it landed on her hand. Lily grinned warmly, It was a beautiful snowflake.

Lilly gave her biggest smile and felt the warmth inside her grew bigger inside.

The snow and the winter was her favourite time of the year, and Severus knew that.

With several snowflakes twinkling down towards the ground, only at the place surrounding them. Lily stood up from the step, walked down the step and touched the place where the snowflakes landed. They all did a beautiful graceful dance where they fell down softly.

Lily's heart was filled out with happiness and began to dance gracefully with the snowflakes movements. She started to spin around trying to get as many flakes landing on top of her. It was so harmonious to see her being touched by every flake.

Her happiness meant everything to Severus. When he saw her smile at the snowflakes landing on her, he felt something in his stomach. It was a pleasant ordinary feeling and his heart started to beat harder.

He rose as well, his eyes never leaving her sweet movement.

Severus knew he fallen in love with her almost the first day they met, but haven't had the courage to show his feelings for her. He was no Gryffindor after all. This was his way in showing her he loved her.

Lily stilled with her dance, her gaze rested on Severus, she smiled at him.

No one in her life had ever done this for her, not even James. Staring down the ground with a pensive gaze, she looked back at Severus. He stood and watched the snowflakes and concentrated on the flakes every move.

Her heart started to beat a little faster while she began to gently take steps towards him. Her heart began to beat harder, but was it because of nervousness or any other reason, she wasn't so sure about.

Now Lily was standing right in-front of Severus. Heartbeat quickened, for now she noticed that Severus stood and gazed into her eyes intensely.

She reached with her hand closer to his cheek, she noticed it was cold and soft but still felt good against her palm.

Severus heart started beating faster, he dared to glance down at her lips as he noticed Lily lick her lower lip. Within seconds, she leaned her face to his, standing on her toes. When they were only an inch apart, she stared deep into his dark eyes. He could only stare back at her in silent motion. Short after their lips meet in a soft kiss. Lily gave a quiet gasp as she felt Severus arms wrap around her body.

The soft movements against their lips were sweet and salty at the same time. It was like a dream for both of them. Their lips was now as one, crushing their lips little harder, inviting them to a more passionate kiss, it felt like a tickling feeling. Tasting their different consistence on each other, discovering new and exciting places.

Lilly stuck out the tip of her tongue slightly, licking on Severus lip, as asking for permission. Severus felt the excitement and happiness within. He darted his own tongue out and the kiss evolved into fire and heat. As they nibbled and sucked, opening their mouths wider to give into the heated kiss. Lily heard Severus grunt and couldn't contain her own moans from escaping. Their tongues were like fire and water, as hot as wet.

However every good thing has it's end. The kiss that Severus could have continued with an eternity, ended sadly short thereafter. Both panting from the lack of air, not moving away from their parted lips, they just stared deeply into each other's eyes. Lily could feel her cheeks turning the shade of red out of the passionate kiss she shared with her childhood friend.

Lilly stood up once again on her toes and reached up to whisper softly in his ear.

"Keep this memory as our little secret"

Severus heart thumped hard by those words, feeling like everything around him stopped.

Lily caressed his cheek once again and smiled tenderly then she turned on her heel and went on her way. Although Severus knew within his heart that she loved him too. Because just those words he had spoken to her when he gave her the flower when they met as children. Those words was the promise of their friendship, and secrets.

Severus thought happily to himself, she saved the flower. The Flower which proved a reason of their friendship and loyalty. He thought back to the words they said to each other when they were children  
"I'll save this flower forever,and keep it with me…forever." Lily said smiling and looking at the white daisy. Severus just chuckled. "You do that. We can keep this memory as our little secret if you want." Lily rose her eyes to look at Severus again, smiling widely.  
"Yes our secret, as friends forever." and those words was all true and said by her heart.

She had kept her promise  
_**"Forever"**_

FIN

**Hope it wasn't that much of cliché haha xD As usual review it :) Don't be mean and just skip that part! Cause honestly! I could use a good pepp me up review now:) Love ya! **


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